Name a John Hughes movie character who:
Is the only kid in his school to wear white dancing shoes, slacks, peculiar shirts, weird old hats, suspenders, and shades.
Near the beginning of the movie is seen pretending to listen to a parent figure’s advice.
Constantly harasses his best friend by phone.
Teaches his friend how to risk opprobrium in order to meet their destiny.
Has no car and has to bum rides off of his best friend.
Likes to put his hair up into a mohawk when bored and not in public.
Doesn’t take schoolwork seriously.
Monologizes when alone in a bedroom.
Works hard to gain access to an exclusive establishment.
Likes to break into song and lip-synch and dance whether in public or private, shamelessly, wowing nearby ladies.
Goes to epic, extreme measures for the girl he loves.
Digs oldies music.
Tries to smooth-talk his way through every situation.
Makes it his mission, during the movie, to change his best friend’s mind about an important matter.
Realizes at the end of the movie that his best friend has to decide their own fate about the important matter.
Looks knowingly at the camera, breaking the fourth wall.
Is easily the most interesting, coolest kid in his school, whether anyone else realizes it or not.
If you said Duckie from Pretty in Pink, you’re right!
If you said Ferris from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, you’re right!
That’s right. Take a deep breath. You’re a big kid, you can handle this. Ferris, is Duckie. Duckie, is Ferris. (Both, are probably John Hughes alter egos.)
But, you say, Duckie is totally hapless, almost completely unloved, poor, awkward, ladyless! Ferris is the most popular, cool, clever, lucky, dashing kid around–nay, imaginable! There is no way they can be the same guy!
How, you ask, am I reading your mind like this? Simple: I too have been through the long dark valley of fear upon realizing the two characters are the same.
It’s not so hard to accept once you realize the secret equation:
Duckie = Ferris – (Infinity x Luck) + Hamster Teeth.
Or, if you like:
Duckie + (Infinity x Luck) – Hamster Teeth = Ferris.
If you cannot accept this through the power of equations, please, I beg you, accept the testimony of your eyes. For though hard to ponder, ’tis true, that Ferris and Duckie look almost exactly alike. Sure, Duckie’s teeth are a little more rodentlike, his smile lines a little deeper. But if you’d been born into a universe without upperclass dental care and with only your smile to keep you warm on lonely, luckless nights, you’d look a little more like that too.
Here’s Ferris looking his most charming, in his iconic movie-poster pose.
Here’s Fer… I mean Duckie, looking not just equally dashing, but… exactly like Matthew Broderick.
But wait, you say, that’s not fair… Duckie doesn’t usually look that snazzy. Usually, he looks kinda awkward, with those goofy smile lines and supertall freakazoid hair and funky-looking teeth. True:
But then again:
And then there’s the small matter of weird old hats:
In closing, I ask you to consider one Mr. Duckie Bueller:
And the actor who played him, John “Ferris” Cryer:
War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ferris Bueller is Philip F. “Duckie” Dale.